Yes I Do

Everyone has been asking me now that your married does it feel different. Nothing really has changed except for my name. We still do all of the same things. He still drops his crap in the middle of the floor. I still barely clean. Funny enough I was only recently divorced, we were really living in sin. So I guess I do not know what it feels like to be not married.

But funny enough this time it does feel different. I woke up November 1st madly in love with the person next to me. He felt warmer, softer. I just wanted to melt into him. I feel like I have come home. He’s my best friend. I could use every sappy cliche possible to describe how I feel and they would all be true.

I wont lie I was nervous. Silly right but I felt this immense pressure. I had to get it right this time. What’s really silly about that is there is no comparison between my past and us. The first time around was for all the wrong reasons and was missing all the key components. I had no clue what love and trust were. In the end it was just sad.

I say I waited my whole life to love and have Matt. And I did. Don’t get me wrong I have loved and lost. But I have never given myself so completely to someone. He is my other half. I wont say he completes me cause thats gay(thanks Tom Cruise). He does make the days brighter. I laugh a little bit harder and louder. I see him and I love what I see.

For the first time in my life I just know and wow that feels awesome. So yes it does feel different, it feels awesome!

XOXO

Samantha Osborn

Done

It’s terrible when people stop talking to each other. The only way you know how they are feeling is through their Facebook status or a tweet. I had a moment today where it dawned on me that there is such a thing as too much information and accessibility. Funny enough instead of opening your world it just isolates you.

People come in and out of your life. You can find just about anyone on the internet. Who doesn’t have a MySpace or a Facebook. Are you really suppose to know what happened to the one that got away? Or what your best friend from third grade is doing now. What happened to what if, longing, and fuzzy memories. Not everyone you have ever known is meant to be in your life. Some people sucked and it was a good thing that they didn’t know your number or email. If you even existed anymore.  Where are all the stories of chance meetings? They are replaced with I found her on Facebook. How did you meet your wife? Well we started chatting online. Meaning you took all of the courage out of actually seeking another person out. It is so much braver to smile at someone in a book store and ask what they are reading. Then it is to enter a chat room and hide behind a screen.

There use to be a time when things went wrong and people had to take the blame themselves. You couldn’t blame your kids retarded behaviour on the internet or video games. They didn’t have that shit, they were outside. I’m so guilty of all of these things. I would rather update my status then pick up a phone and have an actual conversation. Sure I have found old friends and made new friends. I’m thankful for that. I’m also not living my life.

For people in relationships it all seems more damaging than helpful. Social networking sites can be killer on a relationship, causing suspicion and jealousy. Hours spent writing blogs or watching YouTube when your other half is sitting in the living room alone is just sad. Sitting here writing this blog, the irony of it is not lost on me.

I’m going to read a book, call a friend, play with my kids outside. Hell maybe I’ll learn how to do something. Have an actual conversation about life not some funny video I saw on the net. I’m deleting my twitter because it’s a stupid way to spend time. No one wants to know what I’m doing every second of the day. I don’t need to check my Facebook or MySpace every few hours, once a day, or even once a week. I may just go cancel my cable when I’m done here. Call me crazy but I think I have had enough.

Wedding Info

Here’s some wedding info http://themostmediocre.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/the-wedding-invite-blog/

Also check out this new forum  http://www.gatesoflove.com/

Fast Approaching

My wedding is in 19 days. I’m dizzy with details and giddy with excitement. I have no idea if all my bridesmaids have dresses or if I still have bridesmaids. My sister may or may not have booked her flight. I have yet to purchase flowers. Matt doesn’t have shoes. He doesn’t know if his groomsmen have suits or if he still has groomsmen. Wait I haven’t bought shoes. I can’t find the time to meet with my mother to get the ingredients for the cake. I haven’t decided on confetti or bubbles. The guest list is still not really finalized. I don’t know what our vows will be and I haven’t gotten an email back from my wedding coordinator.

Who’s picking up Grandpa Tony? No you can’t wear a costume. Do I need to buy a wrap? Will it be freezing or raining? Who wants to do what? Are we riding together? No we can’t go to frightfest the night before. Please no more than two drinks before the wedding. Who is free, who has to pay, who is coming? Yes we have to have a rehearsal. Is someone video taping? Will he be sober enough to make it all the way to Waxahachie.

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back control……wait that’s from Labyrinth.

Here’s the thing I’m only mildly stressed. I have this feeling that it will all come together. That I will stand across from Matt and declare my love, my loyalty, my devotion no matter what minor detail goes wrong. My heart is already there, he is already mine and I’m just waiting to seal it all with a kiss.

Hopefully he shows up………………….

Hiatus

He Loves Me

My blog is on hiatus till after the wedding. Which is fast approaching and I just don’t have time right now for anything these days. Also I think I needed a break from my blog. The internet consumes so much of my time and energy it feels almost sad. I want to read some books. Maybe speak to another human in person. I know craziness right? Maybe I’ll just post random pictures for the next month, picture blog!

Sometimes They Love Me

Sleeping Bear

Boredom

Funny Faces

Movies Movies Movies

I’ve been slacking on my blog. I guess you can say I’ve been preoccupied. I haven’t been slacking on my movie watching though. I saw District 9 and though I don’t usually discuss new movies. I will when I figure out if I loved or hated this one. Matt won’t watch Sons of Anarchy with me because it’s gay. He will though watch In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale(2007). Who ever cast this doozy was a moron. Matthew Lillard, Ray Liotta, and Jason Statham in a period piece movie. I know it’s based on a video game but come on. Well at least Jason Statham has the right accent and who can complain about Burt Reynolds. This movie is a piece of shit. It also had Ron Perlman in it and last night I watched another piece of shit movie with him in it. What movie you ask, umm Hellboy II. That movie was a pointless cg, no plot having, pile of steaming poo. Yes I seem to be obsessed with shit in this blog.

I also sorta watched Southern Comfort(1981) from the acclaimed director/writer Walter Hill. It’s another Deliverance type movie. Some national guard dudes get lost in the woods. While in the woods they piss off some rednecks. Matt says this movie is awesome. It couldn’t really hold my attention. I’ve seen Deliverance, do I need to watch this? At least Deliverance had some disturbing man rape to make it memorable. Maybe I’ll give it another look some other time.

What you need to watch is The Hidden(1987) starring Kyle MacLachlan. I am a little biased because I find Kyle MacLachlan to be horny. I still have dirty fantasies about Agent Dale Cooper. The plot of this movie is seemingly normal law-abiding citizens suddenly go on crime sprees. They steal, murder, maim, and oh listen to heavy metal. I won’t tell you anymore just put it on your netflix list. It’s a gem, watch it. If you dig the 80’s, cop flicks, and sci-fi you will love it.

Yum Yum Agent Dale Cooper

Wedding Countdown

I’ve been neglecting my blog due to various reasons, back to school, just plain exhaustion, and wedding plans. I last minute everything so here I am trying to plan a small wedding in only two months. I work well under pressure but come Halloween Matt may have misgivings about marrying me. I already feel the bitchy hysteria coming on.

The location and date is set. Now if we can just get our hands on the wedding contract(email mishaps) we will be a go. I have my dress, it’s black by the way and hot! Okay it’s my second wedding dress, I do have a white one hanging in the closet. Speaking of indecision the weddings bands are picked out and purchased, let’s just say I’m on my third engagement ring. I’ve become a fickle creature in my old age.

My head is swirling with thoughts of invitations, guest list, flowers, music, cakes, and a million other things. Hopefully we will all make it out alive. I’ve been thinking about vows as well, though we will be going traditional I thought these were a few golden nuggets…………………

I vow

not to say your just like your father, mother, brother, or ex

not to sleep with your friends or my friends or just anyone else for that matter

not to criticize your shoe, jean, and ear swabbing obsessions

to ignore all jokes about 3 ways or banging my sister

to also ignore all explosive noxious gasses that may erupt from your body, I can pretend there is a duck in the room

to turn the light on for you in the middle of the night when your scared

to love all your quirks that should drive me insane

Ok people who wants to help me plan a wedding?

These Dreams

My dreams are often reoccurring. For example I have one dream where I’m in school and I don’t remember what my next class is. I forgot my locker combination which of course is where I left my class schedule. I can’t seem to find the office and no one is helpful. In my mind I know it’s my algebra class but I have no clue who my teacher is. I’m probably too old to still have this dream but I think it symbolizes my anxiety over not finishing things.

Then I have that sex dream where it’s one person in your mind but they have the face of some other random person. So it’s erotic and usually weird at the same time.

And then I have the dream, where I’m trying to get home and I’m lost. Home always changes and sometimes it’s a person I’m trying to get back to. There’s always some insane obstacles, usually scary and every thing feels familiar. I get frustrated because it should be simple, like walking into the next room. I always find myself back in Michigan when all I wanted to do was go down the street. I find this dream more disturbing than some of the wackier ones I have where serial killers or zombies are chasing me. I wake panicked from this dream. It makes me distraught and some how lonely.

I wonder what Freud would say about this one.

Movie Night: The Burning

Last night we tossed in to the dvd player The Burning(1981). This movie is an old little gem that comes from The Weinstein Brothers and Tony Maylam. The story is not unique, your classic summer camp tale, teens pull a prank, prank goes awry, turns victim into a deformed revenge seeking killer. This movie is no Sleep Away Camp, it is well put together. Sure the acting isn’t stellar but it’s not bad either. The cast also includes a slim Jason Alexander, Holly Hunter, and Fisher Stevens. It doesn’t feel like your usual slasher flick from this era. It doesn’t quite follow the same formula, the killer doesn’t care if it’s day or night, your alone or in a large group. He doesn’t even care if your the sad weirdo that in many ways is a lot like him. This movie is very violent and really quite graphic. There really is every kind of boob one could want to see in this movie. I’m not sure what kind of summer camp this is, it plays out like a dirty retreat for horny teenagers. I just can’t believe I had never seen this movie before now. So put it on your netflix list, heck go buy it. You will never look at garden shears the same again!

Trust

Trust

“Trust is both an emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.

We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort.”

Trust

–noun

1.	reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.	confident expectation of something; hope. Trust is something I struggle with, that and forgiveness. How does one maintain and build trust? I need help, I need a lesson on relationships.